You Big Bully

Many thinking Americans sat incredulously in front of their television screens in 2016 as students privileged to attend some of the nation’s finest institutions of higher learning sat in circles in the middle of campus crying because their chosen political candidate lost an election. Some of these same universities set up emergency counseling centers to help the students through the “trauma.”  This picture, played out all over the nation, makes it clear that mental intelligence is no predictor of emotional intelligence. One can be a brilliant thinker but completely dominated and controlled by the emotions. We do a disservice to our up and coming generations by letting them believe that they can reach their potential without growing up emotionally. Emotional intelligence is not being unemotional, but being in touch with your emotions and the emotions of others without making them the basis of your choices and actions.

The modern church, unfortunately, is a reflection of the rest of society as a whole instead of a challenge to it. Many believers have traded in the authority of the Word of God for belief and conduct to obey the voice of feeling making emotion the absolute authority in their lives. The mantra is often, “I know what the Bible says, but this is the way I feel. Don’t invalidate me by bringing up the Bible.” This manifests when believers emphasize the “neither do I condemn thee” in the story of the woman taken in adultery in John 8, but reject the part that says, “go and sin no more” and then label as judgmental and bigoted Christians who ascribe to both parts of this verse. This manifests when we do not conform to the lens someone has created for us as to what we should do or not do, or say or not say. When we fail to live up to their frame (as if they were made the Lord of our lives), they get put out, offended, and bitter. This manifests when someone redefines, for their purposes or agenda, disagreement as abuse, which both misrepresents the reality, vilifies the individual, and at the same time detracts from the seriousness of actual abuse. It’s the same dynamic as when one politician labels another as a Nazi or a racist simply because they disagree with a certain policy or position thus minimizing the horror of what it means to actually be one. This manifests when we go through trials, setbacks, and hard times and wrongly believe that God instead of the devil is behind the killing, stealing, and destroying in our lives. This manifests when we make poor choices or handle matters inappropriately and then resort to blaming others for our situation. A fundamental marker of emotional immaturity is the refusal or inability to take responsibility for ones thoughts, decisions, and actions.  This manifests when someone rejects Jesus’ pathway for relationship healing found in Matthew 18 (go show your brother or sister their fault just between you two) choosing to yield to unscriptural counseling that encourages venting and ultimately emotional group think. The former puts the fire out and brings healing. The latter adds fuel to the fire and consumes more and more hearts and minds proving that spiritual experience, like mental ability, does not necessarily mean emotional intelligence.

The truth about Christianity is that it impacts each and every dimension of the human being. When Jesus redeemed us he redeemed us body, soul, and spirit. The spirit is to be born again. The body is to be subjected. The mind is to be renewed. The will is to be submitted. The emotions are to be used to experience life rather than controlling it. Any dimension of the believer not submitted to the Word of God will become the dominant influence and voice. For too many believers, the dominant influence has become the emotions.  In other words, for the Christian, Jesus, not emotion is supposed to be Lord. Emotion tells the hurt to be bitter, but Jesus tells them to forgive. Emotion tells the disappointed to quit, but Jesus tells them they will reap if they do not faint. Emotion tells the angry to lash out, but Jesus tells them that vengeance is his and he will repay. Emotion tells the despondent and depressed to throw their lives away, but Jesus tells them to give their lives to him. Emotion tells the grieving they will never be able to live again, but Jesus reminds them that he is the source all life and that he still has a plan and purpose for their lives. Emotion tells the lonely they have to compromise God’s standards to have a relationship, but Jesus tells them to delight themselves in the Lord and he would give them the desires of their heart. Emotion tells the addicted or bound up that they will never get free, but Jesus tells them whom the son sets free is free indeed.

Elijah (1 Kings 19) experienced a time when he was very emotional and on the verge of cracking under all the pressure. He had expended great physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual energy taking on the prophets of Baal and then fleeing for his life from Ahab and Jezebel. This brought him to the brink of exhaustion and a break down. We can feel the same way as we experience a loss, setback, affliction, disappointment, illness, persecution, false accusation, failed relationship, dysfunctional family, abuse, rejection, abandonment, financial disaster, work problem, or an unrealized expectation. There’s a reason roof structures in Colorado Springs are designed differently than in Florida. The house in Colorado is designed to handle the accumulation of snow. Put that Florida house in the Rocky Mountains and it will never stand up under the wintery onslaught. Like the snow covered house, the key for the believer to hold up under such pressure is the development of inner spiritual strength, not the domination of a bully called emotion. Christian or not, if we do not understand how to step back and see these situations through the eyes of God’s Word we are likely to allow the bully of emotion to step in and send us down an even more destructive path.

Like Elijah, we all can arrive at destination destruction by sheer exhaustion, ungodly and unscriptural thinking, fear, isolation, and wrong words, but we can overcome the voice of the bully by applying key principles also revealed in this story. First, tune up the body because a fracture in one part of our lives can cause other parts to fracture. The more wore out we are, the bigger the bully’s mouth. This means not apologizing for good self-care, including diet, exercise, time for personal recharging and reflection, and recreation.  Second, tune up the hearing. We can’t get our perspective back unless we relearn how to hear God’s voice. One word from God can change our lives forever. Joshua 1 teaches us that the key to courage under duress is hearing from God’s Word and then continuing to say what he says about things. The volume of the bully goes down when our intake of God’s Word goes up. Any emotional baggage, including loss of courage and hope, can be remedied by large and consistent deposits of the Word of God. Third, tune up the vision. We must realize our job is not done just because we are in a bad place emotionally. Like Elijah, who still had many important things to accomplish for the Kingdom, we must discover again our divine purpose in life and then pursue it. The more we focus on our purpose, the less the bully of emotion will control us.

The Dysfunctional Church

People today are looking for connection, and they will cross all kinds of boundaries and lines to find it.  They will hang out with people engaging in destructive behavior, or join groups, gangs, and criminal enterprises just to belong somewhere.  It’s interesting that no matter how dysfunctional the group, people will still join because of the connection they crave.

The Scripture says that, “God sets the lonely in families” (Psalm 68:6, NIV).  According to 1 Corinthians 12:18, KJV, “God hath set the members every one of them in the body as it hath pleased him.” To set means to place, establish, arrange, or even ordain.  The Lord has a set and even ordained place and purpose for all of His people.  He determines the location for the believer as well as the function of the believer.  He has a set place and purpose for you too.

Every Christian needs to get and and get quickly the revelation that it is impossible, however, to bring hundreds of dysfunctional people together into the church and expect the church to be automatically highly functional.  We just can’t walk through the church door, and swoosh, instant function.  Why?  Because the curse from sin damaged everything in life, including our ability to relate, communicate, and belong.  But thanks be to God we have been redeemed from the curse so we can become functional in every social structure of our lives, including the church.

The first key to restoring function to the church is to be mindful of our own dysfunction.  People in the church, just like the rest of the world, struggle with a performance mentality, anger, drama, alienation, addiction, sexual looseness, pride, selfishness, trying to fix others, social backwardness, control, strife, jealousy and envy, pessimism, gossip, fear, deception, and many other types of dysfunction.  Our places of worship can never become functional unless we all become aware of our own dysfunctions.

Second, we need to be graceful to the dysfunction of others.  One thing I’ve observed over many years of ministry is that we want grace for our dysfunction and problems, and judgment for the dysfunctions of others.  The Bible says that the merciful are blessed.  The church is filled with people at varying levels of recovery from dysfunction.  Mercy empowers them to change, but condemnation helps to lock them into a pattern of destructive repetition.  We simply can’t reject others for their dysfunction without ignoring our own.

Finally, we must be faithful to the one who can heal the dysfunction.  The Lord longs to restore His people, but we must remain plugged in and under the means of grace or the place He has set us.  What many Christians do not realize, it’s the dysfunction, not the Holy Spirit, pushing you to leave your set place and faith family.  Many believers just do not stay set long enough to get healing from the dysfunction before that very dysfunction drives them from their set place and their restoration.

By being mindful and aware of our own dysfunction, gracious and merciful to the dysfunction of others, and by staying where the Lord puts us, we can expect the Lord to begin to bring healing to our dysfunction while he elevates the degree of function overall in our local church. The church is a hospital and not a showcase for perfection, so there should always be works in progress.  The key is to progress in dysfunction and help others to do the same.

Spiritual Kryptonite

Superman is an iconic and enduring image of strength in our Western culture and around the world.  We know about Metropolis, Clark Kent, the phone booth, Lois Lane, and Superman’s arch nemesis Lex Luther.  We also know there is nothing that could take Superman down, except for one glowing green gem called kryptonite from his home planet of Krypton.  In the presence of kryptonite, the man of steel became mortal, weak, confused, and subject to attack and ultimate defeat. 

Believers and Christian leaders too have a kryptonite from our home planet that works the same, draining us of life, joy, peace, and victory.  Our kryptonite, however, is more of the carbon based variety than some precious element.  The kryptonite our arch enemy uses to defeat us is people.  You see, animals don’t offend us, the oceans, forests, mountain ranges, and skies don’t offend us.  People offend us. 

Sooner or later we all have our own encounters with kryptonite.  Sooner or later we all have our stories of spending years investing in people only to have them turn on us, bending over backwards to make sure a family in need is taken care of only to get mad at you for some unspoken reason, experiencing disappointment in some bold endeavor, trusting a good friend only to find out the friend is one of your biggest critics, making great sacrifices with little to no appreciation, watching church members get in conflict with one another and take it out on the entire church, experiencing a crushing loss in life or ministry, or navigating the sting of a Judas kiss from a coworker or staff member. How we respond to the these kryptonite encounters determines whether we will reach our destiny or fold under the hurt, betrayal, and cynicism.  

I know what that’s like after nearly 30 years of ministry service.  Ministry does not exempt a person from kryptonite.  On the contrary, ministry just gives the minister more exposure to kryptonite – more opportunities to get offended.  One pastor I served slammed his hand in anger against his canoe during and outing breaking his hand and then blaming me for the injury.  Another church leader invited us to serve as his associate pastor, promised that we would soon transition into the lead role at the church, and then weeks later informed the people, after we had moved across the country, that he would have to let us go if the money did not start coming in.  My home church voted me down as their pastor, twice, after a spurious search process that included drawing names out of hat (no, I’m not joking), putting my name back into the hat, realizing the other man wasn’t going to come, and finally submitting my ministry to the church for a vote.  Rejected and dejected, we walked back into the church to face the people with a warning from the loving Holy Spirit: “Be very careful what you say next, for what you say will impact your destiny and their future.”  It’s not what happens to us, but how we respond to it that matters in life and ministry.

In each situation, and countless other encounters with kryptonite through the years, I had to make a decision whether to let it poison me or move forward trusting God.  Our failure to perceive what the enemy is actually trying to do with the kryptonite of people is his greatest weapon.  Paul admonished Timothy to stay out of strife with people because strife is the doorway to becoming captive to the devil to do his will (2 Timothy 2:24).  Imagine claiming Christ and yet living your life as a tool for Satan.  If we go through things without letting that kryptonite get inside of us and affect us, the devil cannot have his way with us.

Psalm 55 provides special insight for identifying kryptonite and overcoming its power in your life.  The Psalmist cried out to the Lord for help saying, “My thoughts trouble me and I am distraught.”  When we are distraught we are deeply agitated, upset, unable to think or behave normally, and extremely distracted.  In reality, however, the Psalmist was distraught and close to imploding from the kryptonite because he was thinking about all the things people were saying about him, all the things people were thinking about him, and all the things people were doing to him.  There’s nothing we can do about what people say, think, or do, but we have the power to choose not to think about it. “Cast your cares on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall” (Psalm 55:22).  The key to defeating the kryptonite is to not even touch what THEY are saying, thinking, or doing with your thoughts.

I heard a preacher once tell the story of a jet airliner beginning to make its initial decent.  As it flew below 10,000 feet, the electronic and communication systems began to go haywire. After aborting and pulling back up to 20,000 feet the systems became normal.  After flying back down and pulling up several times with the same results, the co-pilot went below to find out what was happening.  He discovered there were rats chewing on the power conduits.  At the higher altitude the rats couldn’t function, but at lower altitudes the rats would come to and begin chewing on the cords disrupting the systems of the aircraft. 

As believers, God has called us to a SUPER life, but if we choose to live at the lower altitudes of hurt, offense, and bitterness, we will be short-circuited and defeated every time.  We need to habitually live at the higher altitudes where the kryptonite infested rats can’t affect us.  Our spiritual altitude is set by our time in prayer, time in the Word, and practically by what we choose to think about.  “And now, dear brothers and sisters, one final thing. Fix your thoughts on what is true, and honorable, and right, and pure, and lovely, and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise” (Philippians 4:8, NLT).  Our lives tend to go in the direction of our most dominant thoughts. Whenever you are given an opportunity to get offended with people just tell yourself it’s kryptonite, and then choose to go up even higher where the rats can’t play in your head.

It Wasn’t Me

It’s interesting to me to listen these days to the leader of the free world explain that no matter what happens in Washington, someone else is always to blame. The President inherited a terrible situation economically and was elected both times by blaming his predecessor. The problem now is the President’s policies of massive spending, debt accumulation, class warfare, challenging corporate job creators like Boeing, and the sequester (which he fails to remember was HIS idea in the first place) are at the root of our national economic lethargy.

The President has proven to be a formidable politician and extremely gifted communicator, but a very poor leader. Why? Because at some point every leader has to look at himself or herself in the mirror and look at the people he or she leads and simply admit what everybody else already knows: “I blew it. This is my fault. I take responsibility.” This tendency in all of us to insist on our appearance of perfection rather than taking responsibility for the situation indicates anemic, narcissistic, and inauthentic leadership. What ever happened to the Harry Truman’s of the world who boldly declare, “The buck stops here.”

But to be honest, the passing of the buck rather than accepting responsibility for our actions and decisions in life has become  sort of a cultural norm in our society. If we are lacking anything in life or experience a setback or failure, it simply has to be someone else’s fault. But if we want the grace of God to flow in our lives, truly flow in our lives, we must humble ourselves, admit our mistakes, and accept God’s grace and forgiveness which includes pardon for the sin but also the power to recover from the mistake and then succeed in the future. The Scripture says that God opposes the proud and this need to be right all the time is a manifestation of pride. The good news is that God also says he gives grace to the humble (1 Peter 5:5).

In Disney’s 1997 movie, Rocketman, clumsy NASA software engineer Fred Randall makes the dubious journey from computer expert to replacement astronaut for the Mars mission (of course he was the one who injured the original astronaut). Throughout the movie we see Fred cause one calamity after another while all the while declaring incredulously, “It wasn’t me.” The low-budget movie is humorous but teaches all of us, President or not, what it sounds like and looks like to others when we habitually refuse to take any responsibility for our lives. I’ve posted a montage from the movie below (CVLI License No.:  503767611). Enjoy (click the following link). It wasn’t me